A Little Collection of Light Verse

by Scott Emmons
illustrated by Chris Harding




Fun with Physics
Richard Feynman (1918-1988)

Galileo and Newton and Einstein and Bohr
Are egg-headed heroes of legend and lore.
In the annals of science they're bona fide giants,
The belles of the physicists' ball.
But their brains notwithstanding, you've got to admit
That for jocular genius, for wisdom with wit,
For sheer creativity and hyperactivity,
It's Feynman who's king of them all!

Ideas were his passion, his work was his play.
He helped split the atom, explained "weak decay."
His mind was so quick, he made rivals look thick,
And his colleagues were often struck dumb.
His lectures were brilliant, his insights sublime.
He safe-cracked the secrets of matter and time.
He'd dash off some articles on waves and/or particles,
Then kick back and bang on his drum.

He'd tell a tall tale with his trademark panache.
He discovered the cause of the Challenger crash.
He dreamed of a trek from his home at Caltech
To Tuva, a land little-known.
But it chanced that a cancer aborted his quest,
And soon Dr. Feynman was laid to his rest.
So ended this sage of the nuclear age
Who had marched to a beat of his own.


Paganini, Paganini,
Mortal, demon, witch or genie,
Mephistophelean maestro
Of the mystic violin!
With the sting of your staccato
And your prickly pizzicato,
When you'd diddle on your fiddle
It was little short of sin

Paganini, Paganini,
Lean and lanky like linguine,
With a manner that was manic
And satanic when you played,
How your haunting hint of Hades
Would inflame the local ladies!
You were fiery, you were wiry,
You were very often laid!

Paganini, Paganini,
You're the fiddler's own Houdini,
A magician-cum-musician,
Be you devil, be you man!
Give the opera buffs Rossini,
Give 'em Verdi and Puccini.
Call me geek or call me weenie,
I'm a Paganini fan!


Jane was a brainy and brilliant young lass,
Ambitious and diligent, first in her class.
But men, being men, noticed only her ass.
(As a gender they tend to be simps.)
She'd soon had enough of their boorish advances,
Their openly lewd and lascivious glances.
No wonder she gave up on human romances
And went off to live with the chimps!


Young Plato came to Socrates to ask for his advice.
"I've found a used Camaro for a pretty decent price.
Enlighten me, O wise one, for it seems like such a steal."
"Define your terms," said Socrates. "Now tell me, what's a deal?"

Xanthippe, wife of Socrates, cried, "Damn it, you're a slob!
Picking up your BVDs is not my friggin' job!
You'd think sometimes you'd wash a dish or maybe sweep a room."
"Most gladly," Socrates replied. "But help me -- what's a broom?"

The jury said to Socrates, "Okay, you've had your fun.
Your clever quips and sophistries have stumped us, every one.
At subtle definitions you're an undisputed whiz.
But by this time tomorrow, friend, you'll know what hemlock is!"

The Science of Sex
July 14, 2003

Newton had a passion for a body set in motion.
(He was fond of getting physical, and did it quite a lot.)
Pavlov was a randy dog who always had the notion.
Both Fahrenheit and Celsius were really hot to trot!

Franklin sired a hundred, for he never used protection.
Pasteur was known for chasing every mademoiselle in France.
Darwin often wowed them with his "natural erection,"
And everyone knows Feynman couldn't keep it in his pants!

Linnaeus classified his lusts with fancy Latin names,
And Avogadro's number was a dozen every week.
Hubble used his instruments for scoping out the dames.
If you really want some action, then you've got to be a geek!

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All written content on this site ©2002-2003 Scott W. Emmons